It was an expectation that segyein with pet-humans would keep track of the Earthen calendar to keep up with their pets’ age and lifespan. The handbook also stated that in human culture celebrating the date of one’s birth each year is enjoyed, and is a tradition promoted to pet-human owners to keep their pets happy.
Urak had only ever bothered with the tradition in their first few pets, before determining it useless. The celebrations were only an expense and not enough to keep the pets happy. They still whined until they failed and died like the rest. This time however, Urak felt differently when they checked the calendar. Till was performing well in the competition as expected, and his birthday was approaching. Perhaps a reward was deserved.
Till had no idea what the date was, Earthen calendar or otherwise. He wasn’t aware of a lot lately. He was still reeling from the last time he was on stage. Nothing felt real. He was ready to die, he should have died, it should have been him. He was the one who stopped singing. Why did Ivan do those stupid things? Why didn’t he just finish the song? Why did Ivan kiss him? He could still see him lying on the floor, the life pouring out of him at Till’s feet. Just the two of them, alone in the dark and the wet. Them, and the audience of entertained onlookers. He’d heard the last wheeze rattle out of Ivan, gargled and final. It was only when the staff came onto the stage to take him away that he’d tried to lash out or do anything, but by then it was way too late.
“It’s your birthday,” Till had been shocked to hear the words from his guardian.
Firstly, he had been in such a daze since round six that he had not known, but also it was the first time his guardian had ever acknowledged it. He used to get jealous when the other children at Anakt would show off what they were given by their guardians for their birthdays, but he’d deny that envy by insisting that he wouldn’t want anything that Urak could give him anyway. Regardless, he would still feel bitter when even Ivan, whose guardian so rarely paid him any heed, would get sent gifts for his birthday.
The other children would give each other gifts around their birthdays, and it was the ones from Mizi that he would cherish. Thinking back on it, he knew Ivan stole the things he would receive, but the only one he never got back was the recorder Mizi gave him once. He wondered where it went in the end. He supposed now he’d never know.
“Oh?” He didn’t know how else to react, but his guardian was waiting for him to say something, so he at least made a sound of recognition. He didn’t know what Urak would gain from telling him this, but Urak rarely acted without a reason.
“You have been good recently, I got you a gift. It’s in your room.”
Now that was a surprise. Till wasn’t sure he had ever heard such positive words from his guardian’s mouth. It made him sick to think he was in this creature’s good graces. It made him want to act out more than anything. If he had the strength to, he would have done something to make Urak regret ever having considered his behaviour ‘good’, but he didn’t. He lacked the resolve to do anything other than drag his feet and follow his guardian back to his room.
He wasn’t staying in the Anakt facility anymore, none of them did since they had been accepted to compete in the competition after all those auditions, but instead was now kept at his guardian’s own facility. He didn’t know if Urak stayed here too, or whether this was just somewhere they owned.
The door was swung open, and Urak moved to the side, signalling for Till to go in first and witness whatever this ‘gift’ was. He complied, curious. When he stepped into the room and pulled his gaze upwards to locate the mystery, he froze. His skin turned to ice, and the air became a miasma too thick to inhale.
Inside his room stood Ivan, motionless and pristine. No amount of blinking changed what he saw. The Ivan in front of him did not react. Did not shift focus. Did not blink. Did not breathe.
“Humans are supposed to enjoy dolls, I thought this was a step up. Unsha gave me a bad deal on the body, extortionate, so you had best like it.”
The words his guardian spoke were a lot to unpack as he stared on at the man he’d watched die. This was Ivan’s real body? Had it been…repurposed into something akin to a doll? Till had never owned something like that, but he had seen other children with dolls. Mizi had been given a lot of them by her guardian. He felt hefty fingertips press against his back, pushing him towards his gift.
“Go, play.”
He didn’t know how to ‘play’ with it. He thought again about Mizi and her wealth of dolls. She would hold them tightly in her arms and squeeze them against her chest. Is that how dolls were played with? Is that what he was supposed to do? Unsteadily he stepped forwards, closer to the monstrosity that towered over him. How was Ivan standing up? Would he fall if Till touched him? Closer it was obvious that the body was devoid of life. His eyes lacked light. It was all too still.
He raised his shaking arms around the middle of the body, and wrapped them around, making contact. It was warm. He tightened his hold, pressing their bodies together in a stiff embrace. He was so warm. It wasn’t like touching a corpse at all, it was like he was still alive in his hold. Tears had sprung to his eyes in an instant and were spilling down his cheeks in the next. He turned his head to place his ear against Ivan’s chest, listening for anything to indicate that maybe there could be any sign of life. He could barely make out a gurgling noise, and a muted hum. That must have been the mechanisms that heated and preserved the body. Something like a heart, but not similar enough to give hope. His hands clutched the back of the black turtleneck they had dressed Ivan in as he sobbed into his chest.
“You must really like it.” Urak was wrong. He hated this. He hated this so much. More than this though, he hated the idea that Ivan might be taken away from him again, so despite his feelings, he nodded urgently. “I’ll leave you to play then. Happy birthday, Till.”
His tears started to ease off some time after his guardian had left. He finally pulled himself together enough to release his vice grip from around Ivan’s waist. It was good that Ivan was study on his feet at least, he could take Till leaning against him like that without being knocked over. Experimentally, he reached for one of Ivan’s hands, and pulled it upwards. When he let go, the elbow remained bent. He manipulated the fingers and wrist, noting that they stayed however he left them. He moved Ivan’s fingers to make rude gestures, amused by seeing Ivan do something that he would never have done in life. He quickly opened the hand back out, feeling almost guilty for making him do something so un-Ivan-like.
More than any other feeling though, he was tired. Exhaustion had crept up on him, and now made every limb heavy. His expression of emotion must have taken the last of his energy. He pulled at Ivan, lowering him down and pulling him carefully along the floor to his bed. His bed here was worse than the one at the facility. His mattress had been taken away some time ago for bad behaviour and was yet to be returned. He wondered if his guardian had forgotten about it. Now he just slept on the floor, draped in sheets. He had a pillow at least.
He managed to lay Ivan down, and laid himself down beside him, throwing a sheet over them both. This was probably weird. This was probably a weird thing to do. It wasn’t like Ivan could judge him for it though, not with those glassy eyes that stared straight upwards at the ceiling. Till clung to Ivan’s side, feeling the body warm him back up from their brief time apart. He gazed intently into the side of his face, as if it would suddenly turn to him. He squeezed tighter, feeling the give of his firm body.
“I have to sing against Luka next.”
He started speaking softly, as if worried that someone was listening in. Someone that his words were not intended for. He felt a twinge of comfort, so continued.
“I…I don’t think I can win,” he heard the uncertainty in the wavering of his own whisper. “After what he did to Mizi, I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold back, I, I shouldn’t even be this far,” his words came tumbling out of his mouth, the floodgates opened, his eyes sore with tears that he’d already wept.
“Why did you let me win? It should be you going up against Luka next. Maybe you’d have a chance. You can keep your cool just as well as him, you wouldn’t be tricked.” He clambered atop Ivan’s unmoving form; this way it was like he was looking him in the eyes while he continued his quaking ramble.
“Why didn’t you keep singing? Why didn’t you just let me die?” He fisted his hands into Ivan’s shirt. “Why did you kiss me? What the hell was that supposed to mean?” A new set of sobs rose up from his chest, fresh tears dripping down from his face to Ivan’s. In desperation to understand, he leaned down and pressed their lips together again. It wasn’t the same. The familiarity tingled, but it wasn’t the same. Frustrated, he settled back at Ivan’s side.
“You should have choked me properly, maybe if you had killed me, they would have let you live. Maybe they wouldn’t have cared about the score.” The words were vitriolic on his tongue but gave him pause once he considered them a beat longer. He raised himself up on his elbow, regarding Ivan more seriously.
“Is that what you were trying to tell me?” A question that could never be answered. “If…if it all goes wrong, and I realise I can’t win, then if I kill Luka before they can stop me, will I, will I live?” The thought sent his body trembling. If he could just do it fast enough, then he would win by default, right? If he couldn’t drown Luka out like he had done in his first round, then was this really an option? Did Ivan do all that during their round to impart that strategy onto Till? But still, why wouldn’t he take the win and do it himself?
He sank back down and placed his head against Ivan’s shoulder instead of on his pillow. A closeness that he had never been allowed, nor had ever allowed himself to have. He tugged on one of Ivan’s arms, shaping it under and around his body so that Ivan held him in return. The warmth of another body lulled him easily into slumber, the nature of that body however plagued his dreams.
The creak of his room’s door opening would have startled him if he had not already been awake. He had not moved from the night and remained clung against Ivan’s side in his makeshift bed. He held on tighter, protective of his new possession. He probably looked pathetic from his guardian’s view, but that would be nothing new, he was sure. He looked towards the doorway; his chin perched on Ivan’s chest.
“I knew you would like this,” his guardian sounded pleased with itself. “That pet-human was important to you, was it not?”
The words stung. When did Ivan become so important? Did Till only care because of his display onstage? In truth, throughout his time at Anakt, Ivan was the human he had spent the most time with. Even though they spent almost all that time bickering, Ivan was the only one who would lend a shoulder when Till could barely take it anymore. He had no idea Ivan wanted to do things like, like kissing. Why hadn’t he said anything before it was too late?
“I can make modifications, if there is anything more you would like it to do.” Unconsciously, his hands gripped Ivan harder. Modifications. He didn’t want them to mess with Ivan’s body any more than they already had. At the same time, there were things he selfishly wanted. Would modifications to the inside be that terrible? Was it any different to his own ‘edits’? At least Ivan wouldn’t be able to feel it.
“A heartbeat,” his words escaped him before he could continue overthinking the request. “I want him to have a heartbeat.”
“You want it to be more as it was in life?”
He wanted to snap back that Ivan wasn’t an ‘it’, but kept his spite in. For the first time, he was afraid of being punished, because it likely wouldn’t be just him that suffered. He nodded. Urak looked to ponder for a moment, debating how to bring such a request to fruition. Then, his guardian threw some fresh clothes that had been held behind their back onto the ground.
“Be good, make yourself presentable, then I will make the changes.” He could do that. He could be good for a little longer to hear Ivan’s chest beat once more. He was hesitant to leave Ivan in his room alone with his guardian, but realistically he knew that there was no threat of Urak doing anything untoward. All the same, he rushed to get washed and changed so that his time spent out of the room was minimized.
He wasn’t sure where they were going, or for what reason. Usually it was to sing somewhere, but lately Urak had been dragging him to all sorts of events. It was probably because he was a finalist now, so Urak wanted his prized pet to be seen as much as possible. Wanted to get as much out of Till as they could. Since he was likely to die in the next round.
Every time he thought about it, the taste of bile burned at the back of his throat. He hadn’t been scared before singing with Ivan. He had accepted what was going to happen. Even as he found himself unable to keep singing those words, he hadn’t been scared. He had just felt…done. Ivan couldn’t just let him die like that though. Ivan kept him alive, and now he had to go into the next round alone. It was all anyone was talking about. It was terrifying.
He looked over at the corpse travelling with them. Urak had insisted that Till bring his gift with them. Not only was it a show of their wealth and generosity, but also it flaunted their pet’s latest win. Till would much rather keep Ivan safely in his room, but the choice was not his.
The building they ended up in had no windows, so it was impossible to keep track of the time. It was busy, all manner of aliens filled this place. He had no idea what this place was, or what any of them were talking about most of the time. It was fine, he wasn’t expected to know. He was just expected to sit by his guardian and exist, he didn’t even need to sing. He kept a tight hold of Ivan. This body was the kind of thing he would expect an alien to try and collect. It was an overwhelming place, but at least it didn’t feel like he was the only human with Ivan in his grip.
Over time the crowds began to wither and die down, the room that they were in reducing to a much more manageable size. He felt a sudden pressure against the top of his head, realising that it was his guardian’s oversized hand petting him. He stiffened, detesting the action to no end, but after one glance at Ivan he remembered their agreement from that morning. Just be good for a little longer. He held Ivan’s hand in his own as he endured the humiliating petting, ignoring whatever words were being spouted between the aliens. He didn’t care what they were saying, it would never be anything good.
The hand atop his head slid down to his shoulder and tugged him closer to listen to a low command from his guardian.
“They want to see you play with your new toy,” Till didn’t understand what was being asked of him, however. He had been sitting with and holding onto Ivan, wasn’t that how humans played with dolls? Maybe if Urak had given him more toys in childhood, he would know what to do with them.
“Play with it how?” Usually, he wouldn’t be so cooperative as to ask a question back, Urak looked to notice his effort. The heavy hand trailed down his front, until their fingers rubbed firmly against his crotch, robbing a breath from his lungs. He shoved at the arm and kicked out, wanting that touch to stop immediately. Urak took no time at all to wrangle the thrashing human onto their lap, one hand gripped round the back of his neck to keep him upright, and the other fondling between his legs.
“Play with it like this, they want to see how humans have fun together, the doll can do those sorts of things for you as well. A great gift.” The idea made Till’s stomach turn, had his guardian really considered that he would want Ivan’s body for sex? Disgusting. “If you do not want to, the doll could always be passed around, it can do those sorts of things for anyone.” The implication in that threat drove Till to attempt to struggle free again, already seeing an alien sniffing around Ivan, no longer in his hold.
“Stay away from him,” he snarled, unable to budge from his guardian’s hands.
“You’ll play?” There was only one way to get out of this situation.
“I’ll play.”
The moment his guardian’s grasp loosened, he was off Urak’s lap and climbing into Ivan’s, putting his own body between the interested creature and his gift. Scanning across the room he saw several sets of eyes on him, the ones wanting to watch this perverse show that Urak must have promised. The same eyes that had watched the man he was atop die. Horrible. It was all too horrible. He could still feel his guardian’s harsh touch against him, the intention having been presumably to get him in the mood to be intimate with Ivan, but the result having been the opposite. How was he supposed to want to do that kind of thing in this situation?
He looked at Ivan’s face, into the void of his eyes. He pushed Ivan’s eyelids down, closing them and busied himself with straightening out Ivan’s slightly mussed hair. He didn’t want Ivan to see him like this, even though he knew it made no difference, he still felt better once they were closed. Resigning himself to what he would have to do, to keep those things from defiling this body further, he pressed a thumb against Ivan’s chin, parting his lips, and kissed him.
Till was unexperienced with any of this. He had never been romantically involved with anyone or anything, and although one time he had gone all the way, it was not an experience that he had really been active in. In truth he had been barely conscious, only vaguely aware of what was happening. He had no idea how to lead this sort of thing. He kind of knew what needed to go where, but that was it. He hoped he could rely on some level of human instincts to get through this.
Ivan’s tongue was dry, which felt odd against his own. Kissing into a non-reactive mouth was not satisfying or exciting. He gave up on that quickly, moving instead to place light kisses along the side of Ivan’s neck, focusing on the area which was a mirror of where Till’s own name brand was located. Although Ivan could feel nothing, something in him wanted to act as though he could, wanted to make it feel good for the corpse between his legs. In the same vein, he moved a hand down to Ivan’s crotch, massaging him through his clothes. Of course, he didn’t expect anything to stir, but it felt like what he should do. As he started to undo Ivan’s trousers and reposition his hips to make him more accessible, he could feel the guilt of his disrespectful actions flooding through him. Even in death they weren’t free of what these things wanted them to do.
Just like Ivan’s joints, his penis was posable. Great. He undid his own trousers, shoving them and his underwear down his thighs, wanting to get all this over with. Give them a show and be left alone. He had already decided that the best way to do this would be to ride Ivan, while it might be less degrading for Till to put it in Ivan instead, he refused to do that. It felt like that would be more of an insult to Ivan than using his co*ck.
Wanting to speed this up, Till stuck his own fingers in his mouth to moisten them, and then put them between his legs, easing in the first. He leaned his other hand against Ivan’s shoulder, using his sturdy body as support. The skin of his face felt like it was on fire as he tried desperately not to consider the audience he wasn’t facing. He could still hear the thrum of chatter all about, so he tried to imagine that none of the beings were paying him any notice. Second finger in. He kissed Ivan again, willing something to make this feel less morbid. It didn’t. The third finger wasn’t comfortable, but it’d do. He spat into his hand to lubricate Ivan, hoping that it would slide in more easily.
It was still uncomfortable, but it went in. It only hurt a little bit, and only for a few motions of his hips before he adjusted to it. It wasn’t like last time. He couldn’t tell if looking at Ivan’s face was good or not. He appreciated the reminder that he was sharing his body with a human, but it was also visibly evident that it was a dead human. If he didn’t look at Ivan’s face, he could just feel the warmth and try to pretend that there was life. He manipulated Ivan’s arms to wrap them around his own body, a lover’s embrace as he shifted his hips around, trying to find something that felt good.
Eventually his shifting around succeeded in finding an angle Till liked, the up and down motions rubbing against a spot that drew his blood southwards and pulled sounds from his throat that he had to grit his teeth to stop. He buried his face in the crook of Ivan’s neck, panting as he chased his own pleasure. His clutches around Ivan’s body tightened, and he wished that Ivan could squeeze his body back.
Frustratingly, though he could feel himself right on the edge of climax, he couldn’t quite get himself to the end. He needed something, just a little bit of something more. Absently, he licked at Ivan’s neck, letting himself release his muffled moans against the skin there. He was so close, his inability to finish himself off driving him crazy. He just wanted to be done. He put a hand down to jerk at himself, his thighs tiring from the repetitive movements, but that didn’t get him any closer. It felt good, but not good enough. He switched back to moving his hips, despite the ache, since that was the closest he was getting. Maybe he just needed to keep going.
It was off-putting when his guardian’s hand pinched around his face, forcing him to face Ivan. It was mortifying when a thick tongue slithered against the skin of his neck surrounding the raised metal of his brand, bringing him to org*sm with a well-timed rut of his hips. The tongue pressed against him harder, a smugness in its breath as if they had been solely responsible for his pleasure.
“You were better behaved than expected. I will make the upgrades, go practice.” Till didn’t like being away from Ivan, but perhaps after that ‘performance’, not looking at him for a while wouldn’t be the worst. He tried to lose himself in his music practice, trying to push out all thoughts of that place. Of what he had done. Of how ‘well-behaved’ he was. He could still feel Urak’s tongue against his neck. A putrid itch that made him want to tear at the implanted name until he ripped it out.
When he returned to his room to sleep, Ivan had been placed under his sheet on the floor. He climbed under to join him. Warm. He tilted Ivan’s head towards him, less afraid of moving his body parts having tested them out more thoroughly earlier. The same gaze full of nothing stared back at him. He cuddled in and placed his ear against Ivan’s chest.
He could hear it. A rhythmic thumping. Louder than the other sounds within, there was a beating. If he closed his eyes, it was like Ivan was alive. His heat and his heartbeat combined; it was like he was right there. It was only when he opened his eyes and saw Ivan’s lolled head that he was brought back to the reality of what this was.
Ivan’s corpse. Desecrated for his enjoyment. A plaything even in death.
And once more, he wept, his tears soaked up by Ivan’s clothes and pliable flesh. He mourned the loss of the only person he may have meant something to, and he shed tears for his own terror at whatever was going to happen next for him. Round seven. The things he might have to do. Would he be given the chance to rest once dead? Or would he end up like Ivan, paraded around as an object?
He shut his eyes and listened to that soothing sound between sniffles. Each artificial beat lulling him closer to sleep, and further from sanity.
